Thias Blog

April 26, 2008

Peer To Peer!

Filed under: Uncategorized — thiasblog7993 @ 9:33 pm

A peer-to-peer (or P2P) computer network is a network that relies primarily on the computing power and bandwidth of the participants in the network rather than concentrating it in a relatively low number of servers. P2P networks are typically used for connecting nodes via largely ad hoc connections. Such networks are useful for many purposes. Sharing content files (see file sharing) containing audio, video, data or anything in digital format is very common, and realtime data, such as telephony traffic, is also passed using P2P technology.

A pure peer-to-peer network does not have the notion of clients or servers, but only equal peer nodes that simultaneously function as both clients and servers to the other nodes on the network. This model of network arrangement differs from the client-server model where communication is usually to and from a central server. A typical example for a non peer-to-peer file transfer is an FTP server where the client and server programs are quite distinct, and the clients initiate the download/uploads and the servers react to and satisfy these requests.

The earliest peer-to-peer network in widespread use were the Usenet news servers, which communicated with one another as peers, propagating Usenet news articles over the entire Usenet network, which particularly in the earlier days of Usenet also used UUCP to extend even beyond the Internet. However, these news servers also acted as client-server when the individual users accessed the local news server to read and post articles.

Some networks and channels, such as Napster, OpenNAP, or IRC @find IRC @find , use a client-server structure for some tasks (e.g., searching) and a peer-to-peer structure for others. Networks such as Gnutella or Freenet use a peer-to-peer structure for all purposes, and are sometimes referred to as true peer-to-peer networks, although Gnutella is greatly facilitated by directory servers that inform peers of the network addresses of other peers.

Peer-to-peer architecture embodies one of the key technical concepts of the internet, described in the first internet Request for Comments, RFC 1, Host Software [1] dated 7 April 1969. More recently, the concept has achieved recognition in the general public in the context of the absence of central indexing servers in architectures used for exchanging multimedia files.

The concept of peer to peer is increasingly evolving to an expanded usage as the relational dynamic active in distributed networks, i.e. not just computer to computer, but human to human. Yochai Benkler has developed the notion of commons-based peer production to denote collaborative projects such as free software. Associated with peer production are the concept of peer governance (referring to the manner in which peer production projects are managed) and peer property (referring to the new type of licenses which recognize individual authorship but not exclusive property rights, such as the GNU General Public License and the Creative Commons License).

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April 25, 2008

Tap Into the Book Writer Inside You

Filed under: Uncategorized — thiasblog7993 @ 3:20 pm

Have you given up on writing your book? Don’t give up! Others have taken their dream off the shelf this year. You can too! First, let’s get rid of the top two book writer blocks. You don’t like to write that much and think you have to hire a ghostwriter. You hate research and think you have to do tons of research. The good news is you don’t have to hire a ghostwriter or do tons of research.

Your readers just want solutions to their questions and challenges. If you have the answers, you are on your way to writing an easy to read, well organized, compelling book. Don’t hold back any longer; tap into your natural book writer. Your audience will love reading your book full of solutions to their challenges.

Here are some tips to help you tap into the natural book writer inside you:

1. List top questions and topics of your audience.

For instance, if you want to write a book to help those in your work field, what questions do you hear the most in your daily work? What concerns and topics always come up in your area of expertise? In a book about dieting versus life style eating changes, my dietician friend asked questions like: where are you now in dieting? Why do you go from diet to diet with little success? What are your weight goals? Her topics included 7 solutions through life style eating changes and exercise.

2. Write the number one challenge your book will solve.

Successful book writers focus on one topic per book. Each chapter of information must support this number one challenge. Again, my dietician friend’s audience number one challenge was how to lose weight naturally through lifestyle change eating and exercise without pills, surgeries, etc. All of her chapters are solutions supporting that one goal.

3. Develop a working title.

Speak to your audience in this title. In a few words let them know how your book will help them. Lose Weight Naturally in 7 Easy Steps could have been a working title for my dietician friend. Even if this working title is not quite the one you end up with. It will serve to help keep you inspired and your writing focused. Focused writing becomes a compelling book. If your writing becomes scattered and unfocused your reader’s attention may scatter as well. If you lose their attention, they may never finish your book.

4. Group your top questions and topics into categories.

Your categories are actually your chapters. Give each category/chapter a working title. When you start writing the solutions to each chapter, you don’t have to start with chapter one. Start with whatever topic you feel passion bubbling at the moment. Better yet, start with the easiest to build momentum. Load benefits into your chapter titles.

5. Write your chapter introduction.

The introduction should include a hook and a short statement about why your audience will read the chapter (thesis statement). The hook need only be 1-2 sentences like a powerful quote or 2-3 questions that lead the reader into the content. Though short, your thesis statement should include benefits. Remember keep answering the question for your reader, What’s in it for me?

6. Assign one question per chapter.

Focus on one question or challenge in each chapter. After asking the question, write the solution with your tips, how-tos, inspiration and stories. This will become the bulk of your chapter. Don’t forget to use engagement and interest tools like headings, sub-headings, list, pull quotes, side-bars, worksheets to keep your reader engaged and reading. A straight page of text may put your reader to sleep. When they wake up they may never pick your book up again.

7. Write your chapter ending.

Your non-fiction chapters should always have a summary. Give each chapter an ending of about the same length. After the ending, you can include action steps or thought prompters followed by a 1-2 sentence enticer statement leading your reader to the next chapter. Make it your mission to get your reader to want to keep reading to the next chapter. Include a couple benefits that they can look forward to in the next chapter.

If you don’t use the above principles, you may be this time next year still wondering if you can make your book dream a reality. My vote says you can do it. You know the problems your audience face; now write the solution. Your audience will reward you by buying your easy to read, compelling book and telling all their friends about it. Go ahead tap into the book writer inside you and make your dream a reality.

Earma Brown, 12 year author, business owner, web developer helps service business owners, professionals and writers who want to write their best book now! Earma mentors other writers and business professionals through her monthly ezine iScribe Send any email to iscribe@bookwritinghelp.com iscribe@bookwritinghelp.com for free 7 lesson mini-course Jumpstart Writing Your Book or visit her at www.bookwritinghelp.com http://www.bookwritinghelp.com for more book writing tips.

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April 9, 2008

Make Money Online - Is It Possible

Filed under: Uncategorized — thiasblog7993 @ 6:38 am

If you want to make money online, than you will first have to defeat that negative voice in the back of your head that says it isn’t really possible.

I can tell you firsthand it is possible and I am living proof that anyone with a little persistance and effort can crack the code and make money online. Now if you would have asked me that question several years ago, I probably would have had said I am not sure .

But today I can definately say that is possible for you, but first you have to get your mind in the right place. In a positive place. Instead of being a doom and gloom type of person, you have to look at every step you take wether good or bad and learn from them.

I am not going to pull your chains and tell you that you are going to get rich overnite, because making money on the internet can take weeks or even months to set yourself up for success. But all of the investing and effort that you apply now will pay off later as long as you are’nt one of these many people that join a make money program and than give up when they don’t see overnite wealth!

As a society we want everything to be done for us and in the blink of an eye. Answer me this question; If you knew that in one year if followed certain steps you would be financially well off, would you pursue the steps or just say no thanks?

My guess is that financial independence would be a strong motivator for you. Guess what, it is the motivating factor for everyone that wants to make money online. The difference between you and the other guy is your desire and perseverance.

You may have to deal with family and friends along the way that tell you that you will never make money and your time is wastaed because all money making programs are scams or rippoff’s! I am telling you that this is what I dealt with when I first came online, but now that I am cranking out money from my online business those people are the first ones to help me spend it! So don’t get caught up in all of that negative crap!

Even when it feels like your online business moves two steps back if you keep at it, your business will jump forward and you will make money online.

Chris Peterson help’s people make money online at his website www.affiliate-homebusiness.net http://www.affiliate-homebusiness.net . He is a living example of how you can make money online by using your computer, visit his site today at www.affiliate-homebusiness.net http://www.affiliate-homebusiness.net

Overview of an informal meeting of EU Ministers for justice and interior affairs at Vienna's Hofburg palace, on Friday, Jan. 13, 2006. Paintings on the ceiling and walls were made by one of Austria's best-known postwar painters Josef Mikl, who died at the age of 78 last Saturday as it was announced on Friday, April 4, 2008. (AP Photo/HOPI MEDIA/Georges Schneider,handout)AP - Josef Mikl, whose abstract works went a long way toward rehabilitating Nazi-ravaged Austria’s visual art scene, has died. He was 78.

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Current Health Care Issue: Is Sodium Benzoate in Sodas Bad News?

Filed under: Uncategorized — thiasblog7993 @ 6:26 am

In May, a new scare, one of many current health care issues in the news, erupted over soft drinks because of evidence that an ingredient known as sodium benzoate may cause serious cell damage. The controversy was based on research from a British university suggesting that this common preservative found in soft drinks like Fanta and Pepsi Max has the ability to switch off vital parts of DNA.

Interestingly, this has been known for some time. According to Vision.org life and health writer, Alice Abler, in a current science article about the preservative much of the same information was published eight years ago in Free Radical Biology and Medicine (December 1999) by University of Sheffield professor Peter Piper.

Consumers who are worried by this health care issue should be reassured that sodium benzoate is quickly absorbed into the human gastrointestinal tract and metabolized, resulting in hip uric acid, which is soon excreted. Benzoic acid and sodium benzoate are not considered carcinogenic and are often added to certain acidic foods to slow the growth of molds and fungi. However they can combine with ascorbic acid in beverages to turn sodium benzoate into a very toxic substance: benzene.

In mid-May 2007, beverage giant Coca-Cola settled a lawsuit alleging that sodium benzoate could combine with the ascorbic acid in the beverages to create carcinogenic benzene. After Coca-Cola and PepsiCo removed the ascorbic acid known as vitamin C from beverages, both companies maintain that their products are safe for human consumption.

Benzene is also often found in drinking water, although U.S. government standards allow no more than five parts per billion of benzene in drinking water, and the World Health Organization recommends no more than ten parts per billion.

Benzoate is naturally present in fruit and some other foods–perhaps in just the amount that is safe for the human body. Concerned consumers should pick foods and beverages as close to their original form as possible, avoiding any possible health care issues.

Kristin Gabriel writes articles on current issues in society and culture for Vision Media. More information about these and other topics can be found at www.vision.org http://www.vision.org .

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Internet Authors Aren’t Dummies

Filed under: Uncategorized — thiasblog7993 @ 1:12 am

There are plenty of people out there who’ve written a book. Maybe you’re one of them. Maybe you’ve thought of trying to get it published, (not on the internet, but with a real, live, bricks-and-mortar publisher). OK. First step? You need advice. You trot along to your local bookshop and start looking along the shelves until you find titles like ‘Getting Published for Dummies’ and ‘Seeing Your Book in Print for Complete Fools’. Trouble is, there is no way on earth that anybody can write a formula for getting your book published by Traditional Publishers that works every time, and you will be sorely disappointed.

You see, getting published generally falls into three stages. First is Writing the Book. Ah, right now, you’ve hit problems. Sure, the advice ‘for dummies’ will be all about Plot, and Tone, and Point of View, but the fact is that this will vary according to what you want to write. If it’s a hard-boiled detective mystery, you might choose to have tough, no-nonsense characters from the streets, talking in the local argot, swearing and blaspheming their way through life. If you want to create a Mills and Boon romance, on the other hand, you need to drop the bad language, the ‘attitude’, and find some sympathetic people with everyday problems to write about. So, when the advice is ‘Make sure your dialogue is sparkling, witty and pithy’, who are we talking about here? Does that advice apply to the type of story you’re trying to create? When the advice is ‘Keep your descriptions short and to the point’, does that work every time, in every situation? No, the ‘advice’ is way, way too general, well-meaning, and, ultimately, vague and inappropriate.

Writers who find their way through this maze will then have to move on to Stage Two. This involves Preparing your Manuscript for Publication. Ah, now we are on much safer ground. This is the one time in the whole process when you can be absolutely accurate about what to do. The fact is that every publisher will want to see a manuscript neatly typed, with no spelling mistakes, on one side of A4 only, and with separated pages. That’s right. No ifs, no buts. Don’t think you can send in your handwritten material - it won’t get looked at, and don’t think you can print on both sides of the page to save paper. They won’t accept it. These are ‘Rules’ that we can all agree on. For once.

Now we move on to Stage 3, Submitting your Manuscript to Publishers. Which publishers? This is where the advice gets kind of vague. ‘Choose a suitable publisher’ seems fairly easy to understand. Don’t send your novel about drug-fuelled crime warlords to Mills and Boon, but don’t send them the one about gay cowboys either! After that, it’s hard to tell. You can look in your local bookshop (again) and see what each publisher has out now, but don’t forget that these ‘new’ books were over a year in the making. What that publisher is looking at today may be completely different to what they published then. So, it’s rather hit and miss, then? Yes, it is, and the ‘Dummies’ book will be full of true, but rather unhelpful anecdotes, about how various authors got published, often against the odds and unexpectedly. At the end of the day, you can ‘try and try again’. Maybe it will work.

No, most authors are not ‘Dummies’ and don’t need to be lectured at. But reading a book about getting published by Traditional Publishers is a bit like reading a book on ‘Roulette for Dummies’ or, you know, that really good one on ‘Winning the Lottery Without even Having to Buy a Ticket’. If you want something more certain, take your manuscript and log on to a print-on-demand site like Lulu.com where you can upload your material, print off a few copies and make a start on ‘being a published author’, not least because yes, you do then have a book in print. After that, it will be less nerve-racking taking the traditional route and posting off your precious creation to publishers, because at least you will have had the feeling of what it’s like to hold a book in your hand with your name on the cover and your story on the pages. Traditional Publishers can’t guarantee that will happen - ever - and no advice for would-be authors, however well-meaning, can ensure success either. Only the internet can, and that applies to everybody, ‘dummy’ or normal person.

Mike Scantlebury is an Internet Author, with 10 novels, numerous stories and songs to his credit. Look for his videos on YouTube too. The books are on the web, at his own sites and others. You can get a flavour at his download site, check out some chapters and choose to take away however many you want. Log on to www.mikescantlebury.biz http://www.mikescantlebury.biz

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Brighton Travel Information & Tourist Guide

Filed under: Uncategorized — thiasblog7993 @ 1:12 am

The City of Brighton and Hove is a modern, vibrant, cosmopolitan “City by the Sea”, situated between the beautiful South Downs and the Sussex Coast approximately 60 miles due south of the United Kingdom capital, London.

Brighton has long been one of the UK’s biggest and most fashionable seaside towns and is a popular tourist resort with many hotels, restaurants and entertainment facilities together with a considerable business conference industry.

Originally known as the modest fishing village of Brighthelmstone, this city has strong connections with the past with its regency architecture, Victorian Sea Life Centre, Brighton Pier, and of course The Royal Pavilion. By 1825 after Dr Richard Russell extolled the virtues of bathing in and drinking seawater, Brighton was born as a fashionable seaside resort.

Now it is a contemporary metropolis, with diverse shopping from Churchill Square and Western Road, to The Lanes and bohemian North Lanes, London Road and St James Street, Church Street and George Street in Hove. There is a new state of the art Library, restaurants, bars and clubs to suit every taste, theatres, cinemas, 10-pin bowling and casinos. In addition there are 2 universities, and a wide variety of sporting activities, including successful cricket, and football teams, and even a racecourse and greyhound stadium.

Another unique and historical attraction is Volks Railway, the oldest operating electric railway in the world. Created in 1883 by Magnus Volk, this 1 ¼ mile track links the Aquarium and Pier with Brighton Marina, with a half way stop near the children’s playground.

This year Brighton & Hove have been awarded its first ever Blue Flag award for its beaches at Hove Lawns and West Street. These guarantee that they are litter free and have clean swimming water. There is also a discreet naturist beach at Dukes Mound near Brighton Marina.

After a visit to Brighton Pier what better way to continue than with a stroll along the beachfront and down to the boardwalk. Here you can find the artists’ quarter and fishing museum. There is a traditional carrousel and various bars, clubs and restaurants under these historic arches. Further along the seafront you will discover a children’s playground, paddling pool and volleyball court.

From here you come face to face with the remaining wreck of the West Pier. This was originally built in 1866, has been lying derelict since 1975, and was destroyed by arson attacks in 2002. Although certain pieces from this Grade I listed building were removed and have been kept in storage.

However, the exciting news is that work is due to commence at the end of July on this site for the groundbreaking Brighton Eye. To be built at the shore end of the wrecked pier, the i360 (as it is also known) will have a 172 meter high needle tower, with an ascending and descending circular viewing platform with a capacity for 125 people. It will be Britain’s highest observation tower with breathtaking views along the coast, across the South Downs and across the Channel. Completion of this exciting and innovative construction is scheduled for 2009.

Melvyn Bird manages CityLocal Brighton

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April 8, 2008

5 Good Reasons For Choosing An Audio Book

Filed under: Uncategorized — thiasblog7993 @ 8:46 pm

Did you know that audio books are becoming more and more popular by each day? For example, in 2004, over $124 million worth of audio books were sold in the UK and $120 million in Germany during 2005. Experts say that this year the market is expected to rise by 20% in Europe, and audio books seem to be even more popular in the USA.

But why are audio versions a convenient way to read a book?

1) You save time, because you can listen to an audio book anywhere and everywhere, and you can even do other things at the same time. You can listen when driving to and from work, when walking the dog, cycling, working around the house or at the computer, exercising, and so on. The possibilities are endless.

According to a recent survey, in the USA a person is driving an average of 1 hour and 13 minutes daily, which means over 440 hours a year for each driver, or 11 full-time work weeks. This is huge! Imagine how many things you could learn during this time by simply having your MP3 player with audio books at hand.

2) If you love reading but don’t have a enough time, audio books can give you the opportunity to read many more books that you would otherwise have time for. Audio books are a great way to fill the dead moments we all have in our lives.

3) Audio books are good for older, ill or recovering people and can be a wonderful gift for someone in a nursing institution. This is a gift they can remember and enjoy time after time.

4) Audio books can be a blessing for blind people, disabled people or people with impaired vision. Everyone should have the chance to experience and enjoy a book and in many cases, this is the only way for such persons to do it.

Spoken books can help these people improving their education, help them developing new hobbies and habits and greatly enriching their life, both personally and professionally.

5) The most important skill a child can ever acquire is probably the ability to read, and audio books can be easily used to stimulate literacy in children. Books can be listened to by children while following the story in the paper book. Or they could listen just to gain and improve vocabulary and communication skills. If you want to instill in your child the love of reading, audio books can be a excellent start.

There are many more benefits of using audio books, but even these few reasons should be enough to convince you to enter the exciting world of the spoken books.

Janet Rusky is an upcoming author who runs one of the best audio book stores on the internet where 7000 titles divided in hundreds of categories are available for immediate download.

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5 Natural Stress Relief Techniques for Children

Filed under: Uncategorized — thiasblog7993 @ 8:05 pm

Is your child stressed out? Some people think only adults experience stress, but it affects our children too. Here’s how to help your child manage their emotions.

We often view our kids as happy-go-lucky beings without a care. But children can also experience stress. Not only do they get anxious about things in their own young world–school, friends, peer pressure–but they also can be deeply affected by outside factors such as war, natural disasters and other unsettling world events.

In fact, the list of contributors to childhood stress can be quite long. Many stressors are the result of family problems, like divorce, a death or a parent’s job loss but there are also less obvious triggers such as moving to a new city or the birth of a new sibling.

As a parent, you can become attuned to what’s a normal amount of anxiety for your child and what is not. If you notice anything out of the ordinary, use the following tools to help your child handle it better.

Tuning into Anxiety Attack symptoms

1. Tune in to their moods.

Pay attention to your child’s behavior. Take the time to talk to your child to get to the root of the problem. Ask questions like How are you feeling? What’s happening at school? or How are things with your friends?

When you show concern for their problems and issues, it’s reassuring to them and they’ll be more responsive to that attention.

2. Watch the same shows they do.

If you have younger children, you certainly don’t want them watching the doom and gloom of daily news shows. Children’s minds are like sponges in they absorb almost everything they see or hear.

They are especially sensitive to negative energy, pain or suffering. Shows like the news can be traumatizing and anxiety-producing for younger children.

It’s important to discuss with them what they’ve seen. You can’t tell them that it’s never going to happen to them but you can say, We’re going to do everything we can to protect you . It’s also a good idea to let them know whom to call and what to do in case of an emergency.

3. Focus on the positive.

There is obviously no way a child can be shielded from a major trauma such as a death in the family, a house fire or a natural disaster. Instead, help children count their blessings. Comfort and reassure them by saying, We’re strong and we’re going to make it. And as difficult as it may be, try to maintain everyday routines.

For many young victims of floods or fire, for example, going back to school, even in another city, can help bring some normalcy back to their disrupted lives. What can also help is to make sure children have positive outlets like physical activity, going to the movies or spending time with friends.

4. Lead by example.

Children often learn to deal with stress by mimicking how you respond in challenging times. Even if you don’t tell your child that you’re about to be laid off from your job or that you’re worried that your marriage is on the verge of breaking up, they can still pick up on your stress.

They may not understand the underlying causes but they can hear the strained tone and elevated volume of your voice,which gives them the message that something’s going on that may affect them too.

That’s why it’s so important to show them good coping skills. If you light a cigarette, have a drink, or use foul language when you’re under pressure, your little one may internalize that as a coping method.

Instead, model healthy behavior during difficult times, such as writing in a journal, de-stressing in a hot bath, sharing how you feel
without blaming, or taking a walk.

5. Instill confidence.

When children are young, there are times when you will have to come to their defense and help them handle tough situations. But as they get older, you also have to let them champion themselves, which builds their confidence in their ability to resolve problems on their own.

One of your missions as a parent is to know when to step in and when to stand back. Your response will depend on the child’s temperament, maturity and the situation.

For example, your third grader may be able to confront a taunting classmate on their own, but a serious case of bullying may warrant your intervention.

Still, always make sure your child knows you’ve got their back. Tell them, Try it on your own first,but if you need help,let me know and I’ll be there.

To Your Great Life and Health…

Michael Atma is an internationally known author, speaker & success coach. Known as the person to talk to when you’re ready to enjoy massive results, Michael offers simple yet proven strategies to improve the quality of your life in just minutes. Michael’s writing comes straight from the front line of good health and successful living

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‘Dem Bones

Filed under: Uncategorized — thiasblog7993 @ 8:05 pm

Inflamed joints. If your dog isn’t running, jumping and playing with ease, he just might have them. And that means treatment for arthritis could be in your pooch’s future.

But before you go jumping to any conclusions, watch your pet for signs of the disease - like difficulty getting up or walking, limping, avoiding the stairs, swollen or warm joints, etc. Any vet diagnosing the problem will certainly ask you about things like these. And before you start any treatment, a trip to the vet is an absolute must!

Your vet will likely prescribe a specially developed medical treatment for the problem - but, according to PETCO.com ( www.petco.com/Content/Article.aspx?PC=article&Nav=153&PetTypeID=1&TopicID=12&id=2132 http://www.petco.com/Content/Article.aspx?PC=article&Nav=153&PetTypeID=1&TopicID=12&id=2132 ), there are some simple things you can also do to make your dog feel better, naturally. For instance:

• If your dog is overweight, ask your vet to recommend a diet that will help him shed the extra pounds and put less stress on his joints.

• Once the pain is under control and your vet has cleared your dog for exercise, find some exercises for your pooch that maintain strength and flexibility - like swimming, short, gentle walks on level ground, etc.

• Ask your veterinarian about dietary supplements for your pained pooch. There are many tales about the wonders of glucosamine, but your doctor can shed a little medical light on the subject and give you the right dosage information - if it’s right for your dog.

• To ease your dog’s condition when he’s resting, place his padded bed in a warm, dry area. This will give your four-legged friend a comfortable spot to relax that will also keep him from over-exerting himself or putting undue stress on his joints.

Of course, there’s no substitute for knowing your dog, so at the first sign of discomfort - even if he’s already on a treatment program - talk to your vet. It might be time for a change in therapy or something as simple as getting him a new bed.

Jed Yorkshire is a retired teacher and pet enthusiast who writes about canine health topics, specialty breeds, animal training and grooming. An avid pet lover and breeder, he owns four beautiful Giant Schnauzers. Yorkshire also works as a private pet behavior consultant.

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Your Children Can be Victims Too

Filed under: Uncategorized — thiasblog7993 @ 3:38 pm

When you leave a relationship with a woman who has abused you, you may not have been able to take your child with you due to the current laws that govern parental responsibility (depending on when your child was born).

It’s usual after separation for your to go through a period of mixed emotions ranging from relief to guilt. Some people move on quickly, others take years. Some never recover from the humiliation and violence of the relationship, but it is important to remember that your child may well have witnessed or be a victim of your ex partner’s abuse.

Stepping Out From Under the Spell…

Step out from under the spell of the abuser for a moment and you may see how they feed on the illusion that they hold power over you. The truth is no one has or can hold power over you.

Here’s an example…

Steve’s ex-partner decided to stop his contact when he didn’t do what she told him to. When he shrugged and turned away, his ex had to come to terms with the fact he wasn’t going to allow her to tell him how to behave anymore. In that moment he took back his power.

When we remove ourselves from the spell we break old patterns of behaviour. In Steve’s case he went four weeks without seeing his child. Since he has done what worked for him and his child, rather than the mother. She did continue to throw her weight around, but he managed three years without his contact being withdrawn.

What to do when a bully persists?

Don’t get locked back into the spell. Don’t argue. Don’t threaten. Don’t get upset. Do as a Court would do: think child. It’s my belief that with a bully, unless the odds are stacked in your favour and your legal adviser tell you, you have a pretty good shot, you should try to find the best alternative outside of Court. You must remember that your child could get hurt in all this, not just emotionally, by physically and mentally.

If your ex is an abuser and known to police and Social Services they will keep records (usually for around 3 years). There is nothing like making a bully face up to the consequences of their actions, but be aware there are some nasty quirks in the law that can backfire. I must say, this has to be done with a true heart or a Court will see right through you. Judges and barristers are educated people who can read people well. Don’t try to fool them or you’ll look the fool.

Whether a child’s mother is know to Social services or not you’ll need to get legal advice, specific to your situation before proceeding to Court. In truth, you may not get to all you want out of Court. The system does rather set up a scenario of winners and losers.

Don’t continue to be abused and seek the best path for your child.

Best wishes

Neil

Neil Millar - I hope that my newsletter, on creating a better life, will help you create a life you deserve.

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